Today I’m answering a question sent in from a reader, just like you! Laina asks…
My boyfriend and I have only been dating for about 10 months, but it seems pretty clear to me that we’re headed toward marriage. We met in India, I moved to Germany to be with him for about 6 months and now we’re together long distance, him in Germany, me in the states. He has another year and a half to finish school in Germany before he would be able to move here and although I plan to visit him again in Germany, I don’t really want to move there long term, at least not right now.
The tentative plan is that he’ll move here when he finishes school a year and a half from now (we’ll have been together for over 2 years by then). I’ve been told that the easiest, and in some cases only, way to get him a green card so he can move here is to get married.
Do you think that getting married for logistical reasons such as a getting a green card is necessarily a bad idea? I think it would happen eventually anyways, but it kind of takes the romance out of it and definitely means that I would have to bring it up with him within a certain time frame rather than just wait for the unexpected proposal. (Side note: does that even happen anymore? Or are we such planners (and feminists) that we all talk with our partners about marriage ahead of time and really decide together as a team rather than the guy always being the one to dictate the time frame?)
Thanks so much for writing in, Laina. Here’s what I think…
It is entirely possible to know in less than ten months that you’re with the right person. (I called one of my best friends six weeks after Travis and I started dating to tell her I was going to marry him.) So congratulations on finding someone that you can see yourself marrying! That is worth getting excited about!
I wonder if you two have already discussed the option of getting married, since you say that he’s already planning to move to the States when he’s done with school. If you haven’t discussed it yet, I say go for it! Don’t put any sort of pressure on the guy, but ask him what he thinks of the idea and how he was planning on getting a green card when the time came. If you’re truly thinking that this is the right man for you, I always vote for open communication.
Travis and I talked a lot about marriage before we got engaged. We picked out a ring together, so his proposal wasn’t a huge surprise. This reader flew to Luxembourg knowing that a proposal was on it’s way! (Which I think would be super exciting!!) These days, women propose to their boyfriends and City Hall weddings have become glamourous. There are just a million ways to do it.
The truth is, no matter how a marriage (or a proposal) happens, it will be romantic because you’re vowing to spend the rest of your life with the person you love. And really, as long as the situation is right for your relationship, it doesn’t get much better than that.
What do you think about Laina’s situation, sweet readers? Engaged/married girls: did you talk to your guy about getting engaged before it happened, or was it a surprise? Is anyone else in a long distance relationship? Help out this reader in the comments!